I develop self harming habits

I cut once to punish myself for sleeping around. Then I continued to cut because I thought it would help even though it doesn’t.

I punched myself in the face once because I felt ugly. Then I continued to punch myself in the face because I thought it would help even though it doesn’t. Ok, that’s a lie, it helps to some extent.

I tied a ligature around my neck because I didn’t have the right equipment to hang myself with. Now I have developed a problem of needing to tie things around my neck and each time it becomes tighter and tighter.

I do not want to die. I want to cause pain so I can cry for my nan who recently passed away, but I have been manic for four weeks and I have not cried the way you would expect.

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