Yesterday was an awful day. I was flooded with thoughts of suicide while knowing it was only suicidal ideation.
In spite of knowing it was suicidal ideation I got myself to Asda in order to purchase five boxes of paracetamol. Amongst the chaos I picked up only three boxes of paracetamol. However I was only allowed to purchase two boxes at a time.
I purchased the paracetamol as a very false idea of a safety net. Just in case. I did not intend on taking them though.
However I reached a point of no return and began popping a few paracetamol. I felt fine physically minus a bit of nausea and my mum and dad ended up taking me to a&e.
I was on a drip for at least 6 hours, until 5 in the morning. It is the first time I had been on a drip and it was awful. Mostly because it was hard to get around and to go out for a smoke.
The reality of what I had done hit me and I started thinking it was going to be catastrophe. I was thinking the worst – what if I needed a liver transplant? I could not handle that at all and was willing to let myself die if it came to it.
After some time in a&e on the drip I was allowed to go home with my family. Thankfully after weeks of begging for help I have received the support that I need. Things are being put in place for me.
I have to ask myself though, why does it take reaching crisis point before you are given the help you have been begging for?