I am not one to ask for help. I usually act impulsively and go where ever my thoughts take me. I do things that I later regret. This has been my life for the past 6 years.
However recently my nan passed away and it has been awful to deal with. At first I was crying a lot and feeling quite dazed. Then the suicidal ideation kicked in.
However while I have experienced suicidal ideation before, this time it is so much worse. I am at a point where I am questioning if it is suicidal ideation or suicidal intent. I have no idea at this point. I keep brushing it off as ideation because I know deep down my family are suffering enough due to my nan passing, so the last thing they need is me going off the rails mentally.
With all that being said, today I called the treatment team I am under and asked my old nurse for help (my current nurse is off and is pretty useless on the best of days). I told the nurse about the suicidal ideation and my nan passing and she was really supportive.
I am expecting to receive a phone call tomorrow morning which will follow with someone coming out to see me. I am unsure if I am in a crisis so I am unsure if I will be referred to the crisis team at the minute. However I am glad I actually asked for help because that is what my nan would have wanted.