I am destined to die alone

Lately these thoughts come and go. The ones that tell me I am destined to die alone. I wish I could fight them with facts, but the fact is that I am destined to die alone.

My family are all I have. I have a big family but only really see my close family. My mum, dad, nan, uncle, auntie, and sometimes cousin. None of my other family members are in my life.

I had a boyfriend for four years who would break up with me whenever I had a manic episode. For some reason he stuck around for the depressive episodes. I guess manic me is hard to handle, which I cannot deny. However I broke up with my boyfriend impulsively over a month ago during a manic episode. Which I sometimes regret, but it is too late to turn back time.

I have some friends, who I do visit and talk to once in a blue moon. However they only speak to me if I speak to them first. I had a best friend who I could rely on but she killed herself, so now I have no one really.

I cannot see anyone putting up with my mood swings and instability which have been present for the past six years. I cannot see myself becoming stable enough to actually be in a relationship. I am also terrified of pregnancy so I cannot see myself having kids.

Due to all this, when my family all die, I will have no one left in my life. There is no happily ever after for me. Only a life of loneliness.

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