I remember when we first met. I knew who you were but I had no idea you had ever acknowledged me, the shy girl too afraid to come out of her shell.
You randomly asked me to come to your house after school and everything in my head told me to say yes. That was the best decision I had ever made in my life because from then onwards a 10 year best friendship blossomed.
You did my hair for me and my makeup. You were into that kind of thing and I had never bothered with it before. I felt pretty for the first time in my entire life though.
We went out drinking and while we were drunk you showed me the scars on your arms and told me about your childhood. I was 14 and I did not understand the things you had gone through. I did not understand why you would hurt yourself.
I remember our one argument when some bitch tried to worm her way into our friendship. She was trying to poison us against each other with lies. We ended up outside the IT classroom crying our eyes out and saying how sorry we were for breaking off our friendship because of someone so devious.
We grew up together. We faced hardships and highs and lows together. We would get drunk and high off weed in your cute little flat every weekend. We did not need anyone else because we had each other.
We would bounce up and down on your sofa as if we were not 18 years old. We would crash from our highs and cry together and support each other through everything.
We did not need to go out drinking. We lived in our own little bubble in your flat. We slept outside in the rain on a swinging sofa and felt at peace.
We took endless videos and pictures of ourselves doing weird things while high or drunk or even sober as we both were quite unusual.
For years we lived, just the two of us, oblivious to the outside world.
It always plagued me though, what you told me about your childhood. To this day I do not know how to get it out of my head. I carry so much anger with me and hatred for those who tarnished your childhood. Those who took away my best friends happiness. Those who wiped away a 10 year friendship by leaving you in a state were you could not live anymore.
We were far from perfect. We both had our demons. However yours consumed you and I cannot imagine what you went through or how you survived all those years with what you carried with you. I just wish I could have stopped you from ending your life. I wish I could have erased your demons.