The therapy I will never receive

Lately I have been fighting with everything I have to receive therapy. I have called my nurse numerous occasions begging him to refer me to therapy so I can cast out my mental health demons.

However whenever I bring this topic up to my nurse he asks me ‘why do you need therapy?’ I have to consider this an obvious question with an obvious answer. The answer being that I have a mental health condition and therefore would benefit from therapy.

I am a very self destructive person. My first line of self destruction is to come off my medication, deprive myself of sleep, and take a load of substances to reach mania. My second line of self destruction is to harm myself in other ways when I cannot reach elation.

This is why I believe I would benefit from therapy. I would be able to learn new coping mechanisms in order to retrain my brain to not yearn for these self destructive behaviours.

A while back I was living in another city with my ex boyfriend. I ended up experiencing a four month long manic episode were I was then hospitalised under section 2 then section 3 of the mental health act. However before discharged I was promised by the psychiatrist on a regular ward, then the psychiatrist on a PICU ward, that I would be referred to therapy and drugs counselling on discharge.

Me being me, hating hospitals, begged my mum to write a 72 hour discharge letter in order for me to get out of hospital ASAP. However somewhere in the transition between one city to another, my referrals to therapy and drugs counselling were dropped and not picked back up again.

I suppose I have to learn to cope with my demons without instant support from mental health professionals. So maybe I do not in fact need therapy as much as I think I do? However I have given up fighting for it and will recover on my own with the help of my family.

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