I feel the need to express that I no longer identify as someone who has a personality disorder, and here’s why.
Before I was diagnosed with bipolar I ended up as an inpatient in hospital. At the time I was severely depressed and felt ready to end my life. I did not have any self harming tendencies but I did fly off into rages. Now the rages I attribute to PMS and also there’s the fact that I have Tourette’s in which you are prone to rages, so there’s that out of the way. However I was discharged from hospital with a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder (also known as emotionally unstable personality disorder).
At the time I did not know what a personality disorder was, at least not passed what I had seen from watching ‘girl, interrupted’.
The label of a personality disorder stuck with me for a few months before my second hospital admission, in which I ended up on a quick incline into mania. At this point my diagnosis of a personality disorder was muted and I was given the diagnosis of rapid cycling bipolar. Rapid cycling is were you have at least four episodes in a year, but I’ll get back to that in a future blog post.
Now I spent a good 5-6 years in and out of hospitals where I was constantly told I had bipolar in one form or another. However with my most recent admission to hospital, I found that my new diagnosis was ‘rapid cycling bipolar with bpd tendencies’.
However looking at my behaviour patterns I do not believe I have a personality disorder. The only time I experience symptoms of a personality disorder is when I am either manic or depressed (due to the bipolar), or high on coffee, as coffee makes me quite elated. It is for these reasons that I do not believe I have a personality disorder.
Bearing in mind that over the past 5-6 years it has only been one nurse and one psychiatrist who have said that I have these bpd tendencies.